So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize