i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
