did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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