I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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