I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
