when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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