Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
