Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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