just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
