seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
