I just threw up on my dentist
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
