don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
