hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i think i just lost a toe
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
