I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
