My first STD was from a foam party
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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