Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
