hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize