There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
