I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
