Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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