I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
