i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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