he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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