she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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