nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
