Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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