you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You're like the curious george of whores
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
