ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
