Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
