it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
