you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
