Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
