oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
