some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize