I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
