Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
