imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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