I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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