3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
