1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize