I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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