he puts the penis in happiness.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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