Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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