filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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