can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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