I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
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My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
