Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize