I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
