Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
