woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
