i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
