So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
