I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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