Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
