Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
