I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
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