I love black thongs
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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