margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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