I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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