if i died would you start the facebook group?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
