It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
