we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
