And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
