At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
