I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
