You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
