Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up under a house in Key West
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
