i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
