I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it glows. i had to have it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
