I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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