The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
