i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
