I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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